


Justice for the Fallen Angel

by theotherlucifer



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: AU season 4, Chloe KNOWS, Deckerstar - Freeform, Fluff, Post-Season/Series 03, angst and hurt, heaven/hell flashbacks, lucifer gets kidnapped
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22096993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theotherlucifer/pseuds/theotherlucifer
Summary: He lowers his hands shakily from his burnt face. No, he wants to scream, not now, not here. His heart pounds so loudly now, he swears even Chloe, with her limited human hearing, could probably hear it knocking against his ribs. His bullet-ridden wings only intensifying the pain of the situation. The pain is agonizing and consuming, but that’s not what he’s worried about right now.He looks at Chloe and it only makes his sadness increase, her eyes are wide with what he can only assume is fear. He remembers how afraid he was when he first saw it too. And he knows, she’s probably feeling the same. She’s looking at him like her entire world has ended.- Starts at the end of 'A Devil Of My Word', Chloe tries to accept the truth about the world as she bonds closer to Lucifer... until a lot goes wrong.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 18
Kudos: 170





	1. Faces

God had given his favourite son the task of producing the most beautiful of creations. 

The stars. 

Samael was delighted. This was his task, his purpose, and it was the most brilliant.

He had worked long and hard, perfecting every little detail as he sent his flaming creations into the galaxy. God had smiled in approval and the other angels frowned upon him in jealousy; all they ever wanted was God’s approval. God had taught them all, in his twisted parenting, that they all had a purpose, serve God, and praise shall be given.

Samael had been so proud then, of his beautiful achievements. He felt good about himself, he felt as though he was worthy. But his smile faded soon after as his back grew heavy. He grew concerned and shuffled his shoulders. Behind him, feathers grew from out of nowhere,  _ wings _ . They were white, so beautiful and perfect. They shone out brightly in the Heavens. He was the light-bringer. He was proud.

__________________________

  
  


The bullet moved in slow-motion. Lucifer saw it pierce through the air as it hit Chloe in the chest. The gun-shot rang loudly in his ear. 

“No! No! Detective! What? No, no, no, no, no, no. This– this can't happen.” Lucifer whispered, holding Chloe in his arms.

“Finish it, Finish it!” Cain scowled.

“No!” Lucifer cried as the gunfire resumed. Quickly he unravelled his wings and wrapped them around Chloe in protection. He screamed over and over as bullets stabbed through his wings. He cried out in pain, shrieking as the bullets embedded themselves deep into his wings, spraying crimson blood as they penetrated through his flesh and bone. The pain, however, was worth it. For the first time since he sprouted them, he was grateful to have his wings back. He wouldn’t let anybody hurt her.

And with his remaining energy, he lifted his wings in agony and flew them both to safety.

“What happened?” Chloe questioned when they had finally landed and she had come to. 

“You're safe. That's all that matters.” Lucifer said, avoiding telling her how badly hurt he truly was, not that she would really believe him anyways. 

His broken wings were in excruciating pain. They felt as though they had been burned to the bone, and those bones felt as though they had been shattered like broken glass. But nonetheless, he was glad to have them.

__________________________

God created the great Heavens, blooming with happiness, excitement, and everything good. With angels, dancing around with beautiful wings, in the clouds. 

God created Earth, our home, filled with people happy, laughing, falling in love under the dazzling stars, holding hands and getting drunk off old fruit. Where many people are healthy and loved, but also many live in slums, malnourished and dying young.

God also created Hell, the darkest, most abominable abyss in existence. The fiery pit where damned souls suffer endless torture to those creatures so horrific. The places where the only sounds are deafening screams that send constant shivers down your spine.

God created everything good.

But God also created everything evil.

He had called upon his favourite of angels once more to help him with this world-altering creation. Samael had been happy to be called upon, and he agreed to help. His father had shown him the plans for the Underworld and Samael had gone to work to bring the plans to life.

God had smiled, thanked his son for his efforts, whilst the other angels all grew more and more envious. They stared at him with death in their eyes, muttering to each other when he walked by.

“Oh he’s so happy he’s got girly wings now.” They sneered and laughed.

“Why does  _ he _ get Father’s approval,” Micheal complained.

“He doesn’t deserve it.” Raguel, The Angel of Justice agreed. “He deserves to be taught a lesson, don't you think?”

Raguel climbed to the highest point of the Heavens one day and called to Samael. “Sammy!” He yelled out, “I need you!” And soon enough, the angel Samael flew up to meet him.

“What is it, brother?” He asked. 

Raguel looked at his wings in disgust, making a throwing up gesture in response. He smiled at Samael then but still said nothing, staring at his brother in a despising manner. In a sudden change of mood, he laughed. “Oh, nothing really, I just need a favour. Could you turn around please?” He pleaded, faking sincerity.

Confused, Samael obeyed his brother’s wishes, he was always there to help. 

He felt a hand being placed on his back, and suddenly he was falling. 

And falling. 

“Arghh!” Samael screamed as he fell. Tears began dripping down his angelic face. Samael closed his eyes.

When he opened them he found himself lying on the soft clouds sobbing. 

“He can’t even use his ugly little wings properly!” The other angels laughed.

“He doesn’t deserve them!” They yelled, pushing him to the floor every time he tried to stand up. Samael gave up after a while, and he lay there, in the clouds, sobbing.

__________________________

Using all of his supernatural strength, Lucifer squashed Cain’s hand, pushing the blade into his torso. “I promised you... that I would find a way to kill you.” 

Cain grunted in pain on the ground before him.

“I am a Devil of my word.” He seethed at Cain’s dying body.

__________________________

  
  


Day after day Samael continued to be tormented by his peers. Continuously falling for the same tricks over and over, becoming more miserable every day.

He would always fly high in the Heavens and gaze at his marvellous creations to make himself happy. He stayed there for hours and hours just watching the stars glow in the night sky.

And he watched his beautiful stars fell, shooting around the sky. 

***

Over time Samael watched from heaven at his other creation. The Underworld. He watched as the many souls piled up in cells. And he watched as the good people who felt remorseful, ended up being tortured for eternity in the fiery pit. Slowly he began to realise that something was wrong. Surely his father hadn't meant to send good people to Hell, just because they felt guilty. His father would never do that. Right?

_ And these shall go away into everlasting punishment.  _ Matthew 25:46

He flew up to his father that day, he was sitting on his spire smiling about all of his creations. “Father,” Samael had said. “I think you’ve made a mistake.” And he told his father what had happened. His father had smiled "I make no mistakes, Samael. The people get what they think they deserve. And you helped me create all of it! You, Samael, I couldn't have done it without you."

Samael crinkled his face in disgust. "It's evil, father! Surely you did not mean to create such a monstrosity!" 

"My dear boy it is no such thing! You will obey my orders. You will do what I ask. That is your purpose Samael. You of all Angels should know that by now."

"You are sending innocent people to be tortured! I am all for punishing those who deserve it, but many of these people have done nothing wrong. And- And you don't even care." Samael spat, his emotions getting the better of him.

"You are my SON! You will do as I say. You can not challenge me, you must obey. Look what I give you in return!" God yelled, gesturing to Samael wonderous wings.

"They’re bribes, Father! You can not give me these ‘gifts’ to force me to love you."

"I know best, son. I know more than you will ever know, my child. I can see all. And my son, I know this is good. And I am good."

"Are you?" Samael growled at his father, his eyes beginning to glow red in rage. "You told us all that we are all your equals. You told us that we see what you see. We create together. We judge together. And this does not feel equal. I was under the impression that you cared for us. Cared for me."

God chuckled then, tilting his head. "I told you no such thing. And so what if I did? It all belongs to me, child. You belong to me. You may try to rebel but you will always fail." He whispered so nobody else could hear.

And the Goddess of Creation stood by her husband's side. "Son," She said. "Tell him you are sorry. Ask for his forgiveness, I know you didn’t mean to say that."

"Forgiveness?" Samael scoffed. "For telling him the truth? For telling him he is evil. Tell me honestly Father. What is any of this even for? Why you do any of it? Why are you punishing the innocent? Why does this matter so greatly? What? because you say it does?" Samael cried, his voice breaking as his emotions grew stronger.

"That is ENOUGH!" God had bellowed, sending an earthquake through the Heavens. And now all the angels that were not already watching, turned to face the throne. "You do not speak to me this way. You must remember, I made you!" God said bitterly.

"You think you own me?" Samael hissed. "I am not your slave."

"Yes. You are." God had smiled then and called Raguel to his side.

"Father?" Raguel asked, smirking at the dishevelled sight of his brother.

"Your dear brother has rejected my creation. He has defied his purpose. He has defied me." God had said. "He is a liar, and a traitor, and he must be punished. We must give him the justice he deserves. Chain him."

_ And I saw an angel come down from heaven, having the key of the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand.  _ Revelation 20:1

And at once Raguel did as he was ordered and it didn't take long for Samael to give in and he surrendered himself to the chains. “Not so strong now, huh?” Raguel taunted.

"I am not a liar!" He had declared to his siblings. "God is evil! You have to believe me. He created a place so awful. It punishes anybody who feels remorse, even those innocents who have done no crime." He had yelled, tugging against his restraints.

"You're lying," Uriel had told him. "God is our father, he knows best." And the rest of them had scowled in agreement as the ‘golden boy’ faced his punishment. 

"I'm not lying!" Samael cried, almost begging for his siblings to believe him. "I don't lie," Samael whispered. And he vowed he never would. 

"Oh dear Samael, this is not what I made you to be. I am not evil. You are lying." God had said. Lying to all of his children. But even if they believe Samael or not, they didn’t care, they loved to watch as ‘the light-bringer’ was brought down to their level.

"We can't have traitors here," God had commanded and many had agreed. And those who felt they did not agree did nothing. They knew there would be dire consequences for them too.

__________________________

  
  


“Oh, deep down, you know you’re a monster. And you belong in Hell, where you will torture yourself with that truth for eternity. 'Cause no matter what you tell yourself, you can't outrun what you've done. What you truly are.” Lucifer sneered at Cain, ensuring he ended up in the nightmarish pit.

“And neither can you.” He taunted before his life faded away.

__________________________

  
  


"You, yourself have rejected me Samael. It's my turn to reject you." God had told him. "You reject me, you reject this," God said gesturing to the Heaven around him. "You are not welcome here. You may be my son, but you will never be welcome in my home again." And there were many whispers at that. My home? Several had questioned. Is it not ours? And a few wanted to believe in Samael but they knew they couldn't interject or they would be punished too. 

And suddenly the ground beneath him vanished. His chains disappeared and he’s falling.

_ And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.  _ Revelation 12:9

_ For the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.  _ Revelation 12:10

He’s falling.

Just like his stars did as he watched. Except they were beautiful even as they fell. And he wonders if they felt this pain.

He’s falling. 

He’s falling and it hurts, it hurts because he knows he’s not going to land in Heaven. Nobody is going to laugh at him and tell him it was another practical joke. Nobody will look at him and tell him that he’s weak and unworthy. Nobody will make fun of him as he lands on the soft clouds as tears dribble down his cheeks. 

And although that was awful, he wishes this could be like that, he begs it could be like that. But right now he knows.

Nobody is going to catch him. Not this time. 

And he keeps falling.

And he lands with a heavy thud.

__________________________

  
  


“Detective?” 

Chloe stood, staring in shock at Lucifer’s charred red face. Time seems to slow around her as she takes everything in. All that has happened, everything that he has said... was true. Her mind jumps back to all the times that Lucifer said something which she just brushed off as outlandish metaphors.

_ “Lucifer, Morningstar” _

_ “Lucifer Morningstar? Is that, uh, a stage name or something?”  _

_ “God-given, I'm afraid.” _

“It’s all true…” She whispers.

She wants to scream, to cry. She feels a lump form in her throat and she inhales sharply. 

Lucifer’s back feels as though it is on fire. His broken wings scream out in pain and he looks at her confused. He places his hands on his face and feels the sharp jagged lines now etched on his face. And he understands.

__________________________

He’s fallen.

_ Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.  _ Isaiah 14:15

The ground is the opposite of soft. He’s never felt this before, there was nothing even remotely similar in Heaven. The ground is sharp, rough, and painful to lie on. He can’t comprehend how the same being who made the perfect, comforting, Heavens, could also make this horrible Hell-hole.

His body aches as he tries to sit up. It is hot. Uncomfortably so. And the darkness is overwhelming, the only source of light is the several hellfires blazing on the hard obsidian floor. The sounds of deathly screams rang loudly in the air. He shivered. He was alone. Abandoned. Afraid.

He cried quietly on the ground letting his tears pool on the floor around him. His hands moved to his face to wipe away the water painted on his face. His skin was rough and sore. Confused, he turned to the puddle beside him and he stared.

His Devil face stared back.

His eyes were alit with flames, burning into his soul. His face crimson red, like flesh, but hard and broken, terrifying. And fire seethed and sparked through the cracks etched on his face. And at that moment he feels just as he looks, a burning, gnawing overwhelming pain shooting through his face. 

He’s not an angel at all.

He’s terrifying. He’s a monster.

He screamed.

__________________________

  
  


Suddenly he’s back in the present, the memory of how he had reacted to his face replaying at the back of his mind. He lowers his hands shakily from his burnt face.  _ No _ , he wants to scream,  _ not now, not here. _ His heart pounds so loudly now, he swears even Chloe, with her limited human hearing, could probably hear it knocking against his ribs. His bullet-ridden wings only intensifying the pain of the situation. The pain is agonizing and consuming, but that’s not what he’s worried about right now. 

He looks at Chloe and it only makes his sadness increase, her eyes are wide with what he can only assume is fear. He remembers how afraid he was when he first saw it too. And he knows, she’s probably feeling the same. She’s looking at him like her entire world has ended. 

And it probably has.

He knows his has.

He’s evil, he’s a monster, and now  _ she _ knows.

“Detective, I’m sorry,” He mumbles as he backs away from her in fear, afraid that she won’t ever want to see him again, he doesn’t want that, he cares about her far too much.

A faraway sound catches Lucifer’s attention. He can hear the wailing sirens pound in the distance far beyond the human hearing range. He curses inwardly to himself. The sirens grow louder until Lucifer sees Chloe flinch in realisation. 

“Fuck” Chloe whispers, snapping out of her thoughts.

“Go,” Chloe mutters to him and Lucifer doesn’t move, he finds himself frozen in shock. “GO,” She practically screams at him, her voicing breaking as she does.

“But…” He gestures to the dead body of Cain lying on the floor, and the bloody feathers scattered alongside. 

“I’ll figure it out, please, just leave.” She croaks feeling vomit rise up her oesophagus.

And so he leaves. Painfully, he takes one last look at her and he almost chokes as his throat tightens, and with a blink, he’s gone.

Chloe stands for a while staring at the body of her two-faced bastard of an ex-fiancé.

_ “Pierce isn't Pierce. He's Cain from the Bible. And he's immortal. He's been around for eons. _

_ And all he cares about is ridding himself of that stupid curse that my Father put on him - because he killed his brother.”  _

Lucifer’s words lingered in her mind. Lucifer had practically begged her to believe him. But she wouldn’t. How could she? He was delusional and deeply sleep-deprived. He was just being Lucifer, spouting off crazy metaphors instead of dealing with his emotions. That’s all it was, crazy metaphors.

_ “The Sinnerman killed my brother.” _

It was true. 

She wished she could go back to believing it was all metaphors, but she couldn’t deny what she saw, the deep red broken skin that had replaced his normally handsome face is drilled forever into her mind. And the eyes. The burning eyes. She closes her eyes, trying to rid the memory.

_“He’s the Devil! He’s the Devil! He’s the Devil”_ _Jimmy screamed from his cell in the mental hospital after he had tried to bash his head in._

Lucifer had driven him insane, and many others too. And she could see why. His flaming eyes were that of nightmares and his face, that from a horror film.

_ He’s just Lucifer. My partner, my friend. He’s just Lucifer. _ She found her voice in her head telling her.  _ And I need to help him. _ And she knows it’s true, he’s just Lucifer and that’s fine. It may be scary, his true face, but he’s just her partner and she’s fine with that. 

It’s just… if he’s the Devil… that means… 

She doesn’t even want to think about what that means. Heaven, Hell, both  _ real _ . And oh no, Lucifer’s bastard, terrible father, is G-O-D.  _ Now is not the time for an existential crisis. _ She thinks to herself.

  
But the feathers catch her attention once more. They’re beautiful, perfect, glowing white. And she almost smiles, he’s an  _ angel _ . But the feathers, they’re bloodied, they’re broken and her throat tightens and her heart clenches. “Oh, Lucifer…” She whispers.


	2. Normal Just Isn't Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’d forgotten how quiet crime scenes are when Lucifer isn’t here. It’s weird and foreign to her. The only sound is the few officers consoling loved ones or interviewing victims, and maybe it’s not that quiet, there’s the sound of the birds chirping nearby, oblivious to the murderous events, there are cars beeping at the closed road as they pass by in frustration, it isn’t silent. It’s just weird. Everything is so normal, and normal just isn’t right.

Everything’s normal. Chloe woke up to her alarm beeping. She drifted downstairs still half asleep in her PJ’s, there was no Lucifer shaped intruders in her home cooking her an unwanted breakfast. Everything was just normal.

Just like she wanted. Right?

She had been off work for a week, ‘sick leave’ is what people were calling it. They told her she could take a week off to deal with the loss of  _ Pierce. _ She’d almost choked when they’d said that, but she went willingly, she desperately needed some time to think through a few things. She knew that was not the real reason her bosses sent her home, she knew they would be digging into the incident with Pierce and the Sinnerman network. Today would be her first day back to work, so that was good. No repercussions. Just a regular day. 

Regular. Just like she wanted. Right?

“Decker,” Chloe said picking up her buzzing phone from the counter-top.

The new lieutenant voice came from the other end of the line. “We got a new body at 39 Pineridge terrace.” 

“Copy that,” Chloe responded walking to her car with coffee in hand. She hesitated for a moment staring at her car and mulling over whether she should call Lucifer to help, but she decides against it, shaking her head and opening the car door she drives away.

When she arrives at the very obvious crime-scene, filled with blue and red flashing lights and uniformed officers milling around aimlessly, she almost walks straight into the police tape from the habit of Lucifer lifting it up for her every day. Lucifer… Lucifer whom she hasn’t seen for a week. She knows she should go see him, tell him she’s okay with who or what he is, but every time she gets to Lux, she can’t bring herself to walk inside. She just gets there and stares at the radiant lights, her heart pounding, and then she turns around and leaves. Her thoughts are just too overwhelming right now, she knows that if she talks to him she will be forced to confront the fact that Heaven, Hell, God and everything in between is real, and she’s not ready for that.

She’d forgotten how quiet crime scenes are when Lucifer isn’t here. It’s weird and foreign to her. The only sound is the few officers consoling loved ones or interviewing victims, and maybe it’s not that quiet, there’s the sound of the birds chirping nearby, oblivious to the murderous events, there are cars beeping at the closed road as they pass by in frustration, it isn’t silent. It’s just  _ weird _ . Everything is so  _ normal _ , and normal just isn’t right.

She misses him.

She fucking misses him.

Somehow she finds herself missing his loud and obnoxious, stupid sexual remarks and jokes. It feels quiet because he’s not there ranting to her about some other problem he’s facing, and how the case is suddenly related to him and his situation. She’d just forgotten what it feels like when he’s not her partner. 

So it’s quiet.

It’s so awfully quiet.

But she’s also glad he’s not there. She’s glad he’s not here spouting off about how G-O-D is manipulating him and ranting about being the Devil. She’s glad he’s not here doing his ‘devil’ thing, she’s glad she doesn’t have to face that. She’s not ready. Maybe she never will be. Not completely.

And maybe, secretly, she’s also glad he’s not here with everyone’s eyes fixated on him, ogling him. She’s glad he’s not here flirting with the witnesses with his ‘devilish’ charm. She doesn’t want to see that.

“Hey Decker,” Ella says waving her over to the victim.

“Hey.” She replies, her thoughts disappearing back into the depths of her mind.

Ella looks behind to see Chloe following solo after her. “No Lucifer today?” She asks.

A lump forms in Chloe’s throat and she practically chokes. “Mm not today, we are not really talking at the moment.” She says, skirting around the big truth, but not lying, pulling a classic ‘Lucifer’.

“Aw man, just go see him, you too really need to just get over yourselves, kiss and makeup.” Ella smiles, constantly pining for what she calls ‘Deckerstar’. Chloe just rolls her eyes at the comment but can’t help herself from blushing. She knows she really does need to go see him, she doubts he’s doing that great, he may be the Devil, but he can not ‘do’ emotions very well.

Ella clears her throat. “Anyways, the vic’s name is Joseph Hamilton, 24 years-old flatting with his friends. C.O.D is blunt-force trauma to the head, seems to me like he fell and hit his head. There are also wounds on his body which indicate a struggle, so it appears to be a homicide rather than an accident. Possibly he was pushed. Kane Walker, over there, is the one who found his body, he’s one of his flat-mates.” Ella rants.

Chloe’s throat tightens at the name ‘Kane’ and her heart begins to pound against her rib cage.  _ Pierce isn’t Pierce. He’s Cain, from the bible. _ Chloe remembers, drifting off into her own little world of shock.

“Chlo?” Ella questions.

Chloe snaps out of her gaze. 

“Oh, uh, yeah, I’m going to go interview the boy who found the body.” She says walking away, purposely avoiding  _ Kane _ from passing through her lips. Ella simply stares at her, slightly confused at her sudden ‘moment’.

“Hey, Decker, you okay? Is this about Pierce? I know that guy was a two-faced liar, but I also know he meant a lot to you, at one point at least. Death sucks, and I just want you to know you aren’t in this alone.”

Chloe smiles at her softly and nods appreciatively before continuing to walk away to interview the boy. Ella has no idea how much of a fucking ‘two-faced liar’ he really is, and she will not talk about  _ that _ . __

“Chloe Decker,” She says, holding out her hand.

“Kane,” The boy mumbled, shaking her hand. “I’d say nice to meet you, but under these circumstances, I don’t really think it is.” He sighed.

“I’m really sorry for your loss Mr. Walker, but I do have a few questions for you regarding your friend’s incident.”

“Of course.”

“Right, well let’s get this over and done, shall we? Did Mr. Williams have any conflicts with anyone?”

“I don’t think so, but he did owe this guy some money, he’s a broke college student after all. I– I think his name was Jack or something? I don’t know but he was telling us the other day that he really needed money to pay this dude back, but we all couldn’t really help out because again, we are all broke college students.”

“Thanks, we’ll get in touch if we need anything else, again I’m sorry for your loss.”

__________________________

He hadn’t moved since his fall. He just kept replaying the moment in his mind. The falling. The endless falling.

_ And cast him into the bottomless pit, and shut him up, and set a seal upon him. _ Revelation 20:3

_ And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever.  _ Revelation 20:10

“Hey.” Samael heard a voice speak beside him. “I’m Mazikeen of the Lilim, here to help when required.” 

Samael looked up glumly. “You– You’re here to… help me? Don’t– Don’t you think I’m horrifying! Don’t you think I’m a monster!” He whimpered.

“Well, you may not be beautiful, but if you haven’t noticed, nobody around here is.” Maze snorted. “You’re not a monster though, in this place we punish evil, so if you think about it, we’re the good guys.”

Samael wanted to believe her, he did but he knew the truth about this place, and it haunted his mind.

“So you, uh, got a name?”

“I’m S–, my name’s Lucifer.” Lucifer, Lightbringer. “Lucifer, Morningstar.” He added. He was no son of God and he would not keep the name  _ he _ had given him. He was his own self, creator of the stars, bringer of light. He smiled. “Right well,  _ Mazikeen _ , care to give me a tour,” He smirked.

“You can call me Maze if you like.”

__________________________

Her breaths were short and shallow. Water seeped through the pores of her skin and the sound of heart beating rang loudly in her ears. She swallowed. Taking a deep breath she forced herself to take a shaky step towards the club. And another step, until she was at the front of the blazing lights and blasting loud music. 

“Hey Chloe,” The Valet said noticing her standing before the nightclub.

Chloe barely processed what he had said, she was lost in her own world of nervousness. She managed to nod at him in recognition and continued to stare into the buzzing room. Her hands shook by her side. Closing her eyes she inhaled and stepped into the celestial realm before she had the chance to change her mind again. She was set on a goal; reach the elevator, see Lucifer, talk. There was no dilly-dallying as she walked fast-paced to the metal doors, sweat dripping down her face. Her hands were clammy and she spent several moments wiping them on her jacket, delaying the inevitable moment of finding out the truth about the literal existence of the world. 

The darkness surprised her as she stepped out of the elevator, into the penthouse floor.

“Lucifer?” She called out into the seemingly empty room. A grunt coming from the bedroom was the only sign of life, she sighed in relief, although she was still visibly shaking, it wouldn’t have been the first time Lucifer had run off without explanation, and this time, she really needed an explanation.

She made her way to the bedroom, hesitantly, she almost thought about just leaving then and there, no need for the world to be flipped over just yet, but she forced herself to keep walking. 

Lucifer lay on his bed, facing the ceiling. His hair had fallen over his bloodshot eyes in a dishevelled manner. He wore only his boxers, leaving his torso bare. She stood staring for a moment, saliva building up in her mouth. 

“De’ec’ive?” Lucifer mumbled, forcing her to remove her eyes from his toned abs. 

She blinked. “Hi.”

“What are you doing ‘ere De’ec’ive?” He muttered.

“I’m here to talk to you, I just wanted to tell you that I’m okay with… you, I mean aside from the life-altering realisations that celestial beings are real, I’m okay with what you are.”

At that Lucifer sat up quickly in his bed, wincing slightly. “You-You don’ think I’m a monster?” He quivered.

“Of course not.” She smiled softly at him, forcing her chaotic mind to calm down for just one moment. “But I do have some very serious questions, that I may or may not be ready to hear the answers to.” She added honestly.

Lucifer nodded aggressively, staring at her in utter awe. “How is this real?” He mumbled under his breath.

“Okay,” She took a deep breath. “What happened last week?” She croaked.

Lucifer took a deep breath trying to sober himself up quickly. “Pierce or who I tried to tell you was Cain, shot Charlotte trying to kill my brother in order to get his curse back, my brother Amenadiel got his wings back and flew her to heaven, so I doubt we’ll see him anytime soon. Cain lured us into a trap set on killing me which was possible because you were in the vicinity so I was vulnerable.” He ranted, his words crisp but spoken fast, passing like a blur over Chloe’s mind. “You got in the way so he decided he wouldn’t mind killing you too, as long as I died, he shot at us, I used my wings to protect you, flew you to safety… killed a human…” His voice faltered and he stared down at the ground.

“Okay, slow down,” Chloe said laughing nervously, her mind spiralling out of control already.

Lucifer filled her in, slowly this time, pausing to see her reactions to what he was saying, hoping she wouldn’t leave, but feeling like he would deserve it if she did.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Chloe gasped, “I make you… vulnerable?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Amenadiel had a theory, that celestials are just like humans, we decide our own fate. I thought he was spouting off garbage but then he got his wings back. So the verdict seems to be that well… Let's just say, I believe that I make myself vulnerable for you. It's not your fault, I don’t understand it entirely, but, yeah.”

_ “You make me vulnerable. And maybe that's okay.” _

_ “Detective if it's any consolation to your pride it appears you make me vulnerable, too.” _

Memories came flooding back to her.

_ “I can save him.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “But in order to do so, you need to go after the professor right now, before it's too late.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “I promise you I can get to that antidote without harming myself.” _

_ “How?”  _

_ “We don't have time to explain. Do you trust me?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Then go. GO!” _

“I trust you.” She whispered to herself.

“Odd response, but okay,” Lucifer stated slightly confused.

“How?– What?– I was just remembering a few things. Right, of course, you have supersonic hearing, you’re the Goddamn Devil! Oh my God! You’re the Devil. I’m speaking to the actual Devil.”

“Certainly God damned,” Lucifer said, breaking off her nervous rant.

“Okay, so if I make you vulnerable… the bullets could hurt you.”

“Yes.”

Chloe’s mind flashed back to the scene. The bloody feathers lying on the ground as if there had been a bird massacre. 

“You’re hurt… your wings, they got shot, didn’t they? Are you in pain?”

“You have no idea.” Lucifer huffed. “My whole back’s on fucking fire.” Lucifer cursed, falling back onto his bed, wincing. “I’m only awake due to the excessive amounts of adrenaline flowing through my vein now you’re here.” Chloe stared at him, suddenly becoming very worried about him. 

She looked at him sadly. “Show me.”

“What?”

“You’re wings. Show me, I want to help.”

__________________________

Amenadiel had flown carrying Charlotte’s soul with first-class transport to the Heavens. When he had arrived and Charlotte had been safely taken in and given her tour, he had speeled on and on about his newfound discovery about angels. He had been so delighted with his findings and told all the other angels. 

“We dictate our own fate!” He shouted into the gleaming Heavens.

But nobody even turned their heads.

The other angels, this discovery did not wow them as much as he would have thought. Of course, they wouldn’t care, this discovery meant nothing to them, they were home, in the silver city doing whatever they pleased because it was well, Heaven. They all really had no need to care for this revelation, because, well, it was irrelevant to them.

Except for one angel.

Raguel. 

Raguel seemed intrigued by what Amenadiel was saying.

“Explain Brother.” He had said. “What does this mean exactly?”

“Everything, Everything is our own doing! Lucifer gave himself his devil face, I gave myself my mortality! We do everything we think we deserve ourselves, brother!” Amenadiel ranted.

“What do you mean  _ Samael _ gave himself his devil face?” The angel of justice questioned.

“He thought he was a monster when he fell, so he gave himself that face! It’s incredible, we have nobody to blame but ourselves.”

Raguel nodded, “That is interesting, very interesting indeed.”

Heaven was magnificent, as always. It had streets made of pure gold, so stunning and shiny they worked as a mirror surface almost, reflecting back the rest of the city’s beauty. The walls and gates surrounding the city were atoned with sparkling crystals and stones, shining brightly in the ethereal world. The buildings were made of stunning silver, giving the city its fitting name.

_ And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones.  _ Revelation 21:19

_ And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass. _ Revelation 21:21

Amenadiel was so ecstatic to be back in the Silver City. He danced around the elegant streets but something just didn’t feel right to him. The place was perfect, stunning as always, with the same standard of beauty the place constantly maintained. It was perfect. But, it didn’t feel  _ right _ . He was so happy to be back, and the place was exactly as he left it, but it just didn’t bring him the feeling it used. And Amenadiel thought back to how angry he had felt when he couldn’t return back here, back to his family, but now he  _ was _ here, he longed to go back. He found he missed earth. He wanted to return. Back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying this story, kudos and comments are always appreciated :)


	3. Doctor Detective

He continued to stare at the ceiling in silence. He was contemplating whether he should bring out his wings or not. He was more so confused about her reactions to him. She had…  _ accepted _ him. Or had she? He considered whether God had had any part in this but he knew that Linda would say he’s trying to make up excuses to hide from the truth. And he knew she would have been right. The truth was he didn’t know if he wanted her to accept him at all. His devil face had only just come back and he knew deep down what that said about him. He had just  _ killed _ a human. He was evil, and he knew it.

But on the other hand, his wings were still there, he could feel them and the excruciating pain that accompanied them. So did that mean he wasn’t all evil? He didn’t know what to make of it. He didn’t know. And so he lay on his back staring at the ceiling, contemplating his next decision. He didn’t want her to leave him, he wanted her to be happy and accept him even if he thought he deserved otherwise, and if showing his wings would make her happy… But no, she can’t possibly accept him… maybe she only thinks she is okay with it… seeing his wings could scar her and make her run away.

“I– I don’t think you could help me, Detective. My wings aren’t just something you look at, forget about, and continue with the rest of your day. Once you see them, you can’t unsee them,” He ranted. “And I don’t want you to see them and run away from me.” He muttered under his breath.

“I don’t  _ care _ if I can’t unsee your wings Lucifer. There are more important things right now than worrying about how I’ll react, namely the fact that you seem to be in extreme pain, so much so that before you could barely talk properly, and yet your main concern is whether or not  _ I _ will be okay?”

“That really is all that matters to me Detective, if you couldn’t tell.”

“–You’re not letting me help, for no good reason you’re just letting yourself be in unnecessary pain.”

“There  _ is _ good reason…” He grumbled.

“No there isn’t. I’m willing to help you as you’ve helped me but you won’t let me. And I don’t know what’s going on inside your head Lucifer, I’m new to this, but you’ve got to let me help you. I’ve told you, I don’t have any problem with what you are, you’re just Lucifer, and you’re hurt.”

“Nobody has ever accepted me like this.” Lucifer stared at the floor. “I’m just scared it’s not real,” He whispered.

Lucifer looked over at her once more, checking to see if maybe she had changed her mind. He closed his eyes. Wincing and grunting as he unravelled his broken wings, clenching his fists in agony. His wings were a shocking sight. The feathers were twisted and turned in unnatural positions, blood had soaked through the otherwise stunning white, tainting their exquisite colour. They looked very similar to the ones Chloe had seen at the auction many moons ago. 

_ “There was something else, something personal that was missing when we got there.” _

_ “I knew it. Lucifer, what was in there?” _

_ “My angel wings.” _

_ She had just laughed, thinking he was just being his usual dickish self. _

_ “Yeah, go on. Get it all out.” _

_ “Okay, seriously, what was in there? Oh, you are serious?” _

He really had angel wings, and they were beautiful. But now they were broken, stretched out and bent in all the wrong places. They were ridden with bullets embedded deep into their flesh as if a hailstorm of bullets had rained down on them, and Chloe wondered if maybe it had.

“Lucifer…” She said staring at his wings, her eyes wide open in horror. “They’re awful!”

“Well thanks,” He muttered. “Not exactly the response I was expecting.”

“No no I mean they’re beautiful– they’re bloody beautiful…” Her voice faded as if she was in some sort of trance. “But, but Oh My God Lucifer! I didn’t realise it was this bad. And to think, you did this to protect me…”

He smiled at her softly. “Of course I did…” 

“Why?”

His smile fades. He doesn’t answer. He opens his mouth to try and formulate a response but his mouth seems to be stuck, choking on his words. Instead, he lowers his head and stares away from her. And maybe deep down he knows the answer, it’s locked up deep inside of him in a place he likes to stray far away from. He knows he should tell her how he feels about her, how he  _ truly _ feels about her, but he can’t. No matter how many times Linda has told him he should, he can’t bring himself to say the words. 

He’s afraid. 

Despite all the signs, despite everything that has happened.

He’s afraid she won’t feel the same. And he’s afraid, after everything, that none of it is real.

“Right well, are you going to get these bullets out of my wings what?” He spoke suddenly, breaking the empty silence.

She sighed, she wasn’t going to get an answer. “Right, yeah.” 

Lucifer tilted his head in mild confusion to her sigh. “Are you… okay?”

“No, of course, I’m not okay.” She said in bewilderment. “But I’m not the one we are supposed to be worrying about right now!”

“I just want you to be okay, I shouldn’t have shown you my wings, I’m sorry about that, I know it’s a bad sight.”

“A bad sight?” She almost screamed. “You’re wings look like they have been massacred and you did that to protect me!  _ Me. _ ” She was crying now and he didn’t know what to do. “You cared more about if I was okay and how I’d react to your wings, than how badly you’re hurting.”

“You’re all that matters, Detective.”

“But why?” She cried.

“I don’t know.” And the look on his face broke her fucking heart; he looked so sad and small; vulnerable.

Chloe shut her eyes tightly, forcing her tears not to fall anymore. “Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because there are still a whole bunch of bloody things you don’t know and I can’t tell you until you know  _ everything _ .” He snapped.

She sighed. “Okay.” And she swallowed, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. “Right now we just need to worry about you, so I’ll– I’ll go find some supplies to sort you out.” And she left without another word, and Lucifer remained splayed across his bed as he watched her walk away. And he felt his eyes begin to water too.

In all honesty, Chloe had no idea what she was looking for exactly. Since the announcement that  _ she _ makes Lucifer vulnerable, (the actually Devil  _ vulnerable _ !) she figured that she could use any sharp object to pry the bullets out of Lucifer’s mutilated wings, (that had been caused to save  _ her _ !) and so she wandered around his penthouse looking for a knife of some sort. 

She found herself loitering near his bookshelf and she gazed at all the titles as she passed by. Some were written in foreign or ancient languages that she could not decipher, but there was one title in particular that caught her eye. 

The Holy Bible. 

The Devil. The angel banished from his home, who despised God and the Heavens, had a Bible.  _ The Bible. _ And for a moment she found herself lost in thought holding the book in her hand searching her mind for any possible reason that  _ the actual Devil _ would have the Bible on his bookshelf. She could have stared at that book for days, trying to rack her mind at what that meant, but a grunt coming from Lucifer’s bedroom reminded her of her current and rather more important task. 

After another few minutes of lying on his silk-sheeted bed in agony, the Detective finally returned with a knife, some bandages and alcohol, lots of alcohol. She walked briskly, yet with hesitation, into his room once more.

“What took you so long?” He whined.

“The Bible.” She splurted.

Lucifer gave her a confused look in response.

“Nothing,” She said far too quickly for it to be nothing. “Let’s just get you sorted shall we?” She says removing her gaze from his face and focusing back on the enormous angel wings in front of her. “I’m gonna, uh, touch them,” She mumbled staring wide-eyed at the wings, the literal wings of Satan. She’s about to remove bullets from Satan’s wings. And they’re  _ beautiful _ . She almost has a panic attack there and then, her breath quickens and she stays staring, stuck, frozen.

“Are you alright?” Lucifer asks, noticing her sudden loss of movement.

“I’m great, great.”

“Clearly.”

“Of course I’m not, I already told you I’m not okay, and right now I’m just freaking out a little bit that you’re the actual fucking Devil and I’m Chloe, a literal nobody in comparison and  _ I’m _ here, about to remove bullets from the  _ Devil _ .” Chloe babbled, hyperventilating in the process. "Okay, I'm gonna clean you up a bit now," she explains, and he simply nods but says nothing as if using all his energy to prepare himself. 

Chloe stares at his wings for a moment longer before tensely allowing her hand to rest on his feathers. And they’re  _ soft. _ She chuckles inwardly to herself. The Devil’s wings are soft, so, so soft.

Lucifer tilts his head at her. “What?”

“Your wings are soft,” She says, her laughter only increasing.

“What did you bloody expect?” He retorts. She can’t help herself, she just laughs. 

“I’d gladly sleep in a blanket made out of the Devil’s feathers,” She laughed.

“Absolutely not!” Lucifer spoke, suddenly very self-conscious of his exposed wings.

“Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I was joking. It’s just so bizarre.”

When she had finally settled down she picked up the alcohol she had brought from his shelf. Lucifer eyed it hungrily.

“Not to drink.” She ordered him. He responded to her with the cutest puppy dog face she’d ever seen. She felt her heart palpitate and she really wanted to give in to him. “Don’t do that,” She managed to say grumpily, to which he just smiled. And oh boy, that smile. Her heart was beating way too fast and she wondered if he could hear it.

He could, in fact. However, being the naïve little boy he is, he believed it was due to the stress and horror of the whole Devil wings and bullets thing.

Chloe poured the alcohol over his wings as a disinfectant, she doubted angels could get infections but with her making the Devil vulnerable, she didn’t want to take any chances.

He flinched suddenly and violently, and the sound that catches in his throat is a panicked, choking plea. His wings flutter frantically almost knocking her off the bed. 

"Sorry!" she said, taken aback. “I’m so sorry.”

He’s breathing fast, raspy breaths, his hands are clenched tightly by his side making his knuckles go white. His pain is clear; there’s a bloody lot of it.  _ Fuck. _

She waits for a while, staring at him, giving him a chance to calm down. And well, giving her a chance to take in the shock too. His wings are huge and potentially very dangerous as she can now see. They’re Lucifer’s and they’re big and they’re strong. They aren’t just inanimate clumps of soft feathers sewn together like a child’s dress-ups, they’re real. They’re Lucifer’s because Lucifer is an angel with  _ wings _ . And at that moment, the reality of the situation sinks in.

_ Fuck. _

  
  


"Sorry," he says breathlessly, his eyes now glassy and bloodshot. He knew it was going to hurt but hadn't quite prepared himself for  _ that _ . And that was only the  _ beginning _ . “Oh bugger, just make it quick.” He spoke rapidly, bracing himself for the worst, his mind stuck on memories of cutting off his wings, removing himself from his past, and at this very moment, he wants them to be gone again because bloody hell, it hurts.

“Okay, I’m going to try and extract the bullets now,” Chloe says carefully. Lucifer simply grunted in affirmation, forcing himself not to remember the time he was in the most pain.

__________________________

It went on for a painstakingly long time; he wasn’t sure it would ever come to an end.

The falling.

It went on for what seemed like an eternity, just falling, falling, falling.

And there was no thrill or rush you get from skydiving or rollercoasters. There was no other feeling but pain. Lots of pain.

The falling hurt.

His wings felt as though they were being burned alive by a nonexistent flame that wouldn’t stop burning. Their structure dissolving away into dust, maybe ash. And it hurt. The divine feathers faded from their glorious white, crumbling away into a burnt crisp which floated like ash above him as he fell. And his body, it didn’t feel free as if he were flying, it ached. He felt as though there was a giant boulder crushing him as he fell.

And that continued for what felt like  _ forever _ .

And the pain didn’t stop when he landed.

__________________________

After what seemed like several hours of pulling out pesky bullets from his divine wings, Lucifer had been bandaged up fully and was now curled up on his bed with his eyes barely ajar. He remained still in only his boxer briefs, although now he lay on his side, removing the view of his torso much to Chloe’s disappointment. The Detective lay next to him also struggling to stay awake, it was late into the dark of the night and to say it had been a tremendously exhausting day would be the understatement of the millennia.

Lucifer’s wings were now folded away and now already, the room felt much larger due to the freed up space, not that Chloe nor Lucifer had noticed, they were too busy trying to keep their eyes from sealing shut.

The bedside table clock read 01:19. It was late and the two were already verging on falling deep asleep. Lucifer’s breaths were deep and heavy which indicated that he was mere moments away from plunging into a deep slumber.

Chloe’s eyes fluttered open and she pulled herself upright to keep herself awake. “Lucifer?” Chloe said, breaking the silence that had filled the room.

“Mm,” Lucifer murmured sleepily.

“It’s late.”

“It is.”

“I’m going to sleep now, I’m warm and comfy right now, and besides I don’t think I can drive and not fall asleep.”

Lucifer didn’t even look up from his pillow. “There’s a whole wardrobe of clothes you could borrow to sleep in if you would like.” He said, his hand gesturing behind him in an attempt to point towards his cupboard. “Although I’m sure you’re all well aware of that since you’ve raided it before,” Lucifer smirked, referencing the time that he had left on a repeat trip to Vegas and the drunken Chloe and Linda had decided to have a party in the penthouse.

“Sorry about that,” Chloe whispered.

“It’s okay, I find I rather like seeing you wearing my clothes,” Lucifer responded without hesitation, his sleep-drunken mind forgetting to filter his speech. His cheeks were now stained a light shade of pink and he found himself glad to be facing away from her.

Chloe’s face was also beginning to pinken as she smiled inwardly. “Fuck.” Came a mutter from beside her as Lucifer realised that he had said everything aloud. Chloe remained staring at him for a while before she leapt off the bed and walked away.

After returning from his wardrobe wearing a fresh shirt of Lucifer’s she tucked herself back into his bed still unable to rid the drunken smile from her face.

Chloe smiled softly to herself. “Goodnight, Lucifer.”

“Goodnight, Detective.”


	4. Celestial Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe hesitantly knocked on Linda’s door, unsure what exactly she was going to say when she saw her. She needed someone to talk to and she didn’t know who else she could turn to, she could talk to Maze but she wasn’t sure she was quite ready to talk to another celestial being just yet, so Linda would have to suffice, however… would Linda think she was crazy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I'll try to get the next chapter out earlier. Enjoy :)

Chloe’s eyes darted open. Something was wrong. Before her eyes was white. Just white. She found herself beginning to panic. Was she dead? She was warm, comfortably so, was she in Heaven? Why is everything white? Slowly, her vision began to clear and she realised what she was staring at was giant angel wings which had engulfed themselves around her. They were together enveloped in a perfectly warm cocoon of angelic feathers.

She found herself smiling as she looked at the wings in awe. Taking her time to analyse the situation, she carefully turned around and realised she was now facing Lucifer’s bare chest as it heaved up and down in a steady rhythm. The man before her was still very much asleep. Lucifer lay curled up next to her, his wings laid protectively over her body, moving up and down in sync with his slow breaths. His wings seemed to have healed almost completely already aside from the several grey scars that dotted the feathers. 

Her mind felt fuzzy like there were a swarm of bees living inside her head. She had doctored the  _ Devil _ . She was still struggling to wrap her head around everything. Somehow she found herself to be comfortable with Lucifer, despite his devilish ways, but her brain was still working overdrive trying to understand the existence of God.

Gently she allowed herself to shuffle over to check the time, careful not to wake Lucifer from his slumber. It was 7.05. She pondered whether she should get up and get dressed, maybe she should go talk to someone, maybe Linda, but she decided against it. She was happy where she was, she wasn’t going to leave until she had to.

“Thanks for saving my life,” She whispered, smiling softly as her head hit the pillow and she resumed her rest.   
  


__________________________

She’s falling. 

She’s falling and falling and it just won’t stop. Why won’t it stop?

And she can’t do anything to stop it. She has no wings, only limbs flailing erratically into the air, doing nothing to hinder the constant falling and pain weighing down on her. And her body aches. She feels as though all of the air is being sucked out of her lungs as she descends through the atmosphere, unable to control her fall as her arms continue to flail aimlessly.

And he’s just watching, from a distance. Watching her fall endlessly. And he tries, he tries so hard to will his body to move, to go and help her. He  _ must _ help  _ her _ .

But he can’t.

No matter how hard he tries his body just won’t obey his commands. Instead, he is forced to watch as the only person he has ever truly cared about, faces the punishment and pain he knows only too well. 

And he hates it.

But forcefully, he continues to watch.

Anger, seething through his bones.

_ You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’  _ Matthew 5:38 

__________________________

His eyes are wet. His pulse is rapid. A watery mess has accumulated over his face but he’s not sure which is from tears and which is from his panicked sweat. His breaths are short and shallow, out of breath. 

He tears his eyes open. It’s just a dream. A  _ nightmare _ . And it’s just like how he remembers, all the many times before. Except it’s  _ her _ instead of him. He swallows, pushing himself off the bed to sit up. He tries to calm his body but it just won’t listen. His heart is still beating out of control and his breaths so sharp and desperate for air. He’s not sure if it hurt more than falling, seeing  _ her _ fall. He would never let that happen. She did not deserve that pain.

After all his previous lonely nights, he found himself surprised to see Chloe lying next to him, her hair dangling in front of her glistening eyes. Her breaths, unlike his, slow and deep; controlled. And he allows himself to smile for a moment as his mind seems to settle back into this realm, but his restless body just can’t snap out of the dream. It just felt so real.

And so instead of returning to his slumber, he mindlessly rolled off of his bed, put on his silk robe and headed to the kitchen to start making breakfast.

__________________________

The smell of bacon wafted through the air. Inhaling the pleasant scent of a home-cooked breakfast, Chloe opened her eyes. Her vision was still blurry, sight still in the clutches of the night's glue. Slowly but surely her limbs regained consciousness and she hesitantly rubbed the dreams away.

“Lu-zi-ver?” Her voiced slurred as her lips slowly remembered how to form words.

“Good Morning, my dear,” Lucifer sounded from the kitchen.

Chloe stumbled her out of bed towards his voice. “We’ve got omelettes, bacon, pancakes, and much more so feel free to help yourself,” Lucifer offered cheerily to which Chloe gladly obliged, grabbing her plate before hastily digging in.

“Thank you, Lucifer.” Chloe smiled.

“It’s my pleasure.”

__________________________

Chloe hesitantly knocked on Linda’s door, unsure what exactly she was going to say when she saw her. She  _ needed _ someone to talk to and she didn’t know who else she could turn to, she  _ could _ talk to Maze but she wasn’t sure she was quite ready to talk to another celestial being just yet, so Linda would have to suffice, however… would Linda think she was crazy? To be fair she had been treating Lucifer for almost the same amount of time that they had been working together, so surely she wouldn’t think she was any less crazy than he was. The door to the office creaked open and Linda smiled up at Chloe, relieving her from her frantic, over-thinking mind.

“Chloe!” Linda exclaimed.

“Hey,” Chloe said awkwardly. “So this might sound crazy but uh Lucifer may be the  _ actual _ er–”

Linda stopped her there. “You know.”

“I– Uh– You know?!” Chloe replied, utterly confused. Maybe she was reading into this, was there something else that she didn’t know? “Wait, what do  _ you  _ know?”

“Lucifer is well, really  _ Lucifer _ .”

“It appears so,” Chloe said, feeling slightly relieved on the inside that she actually had someone she could talk to about this whole ordeal.

Linda shrugged in response. “I’m glad another  _ human _ knows.”

“Me too, everything is crazy right now, my brain feels like a mush of celestial nonsense. I mean Heaven and Hell??? I don’t think my mind has fully comprehended the whole situation yet.” Chloe rambled.

Linda sighed. “Tell me about it, when I first found out it took me a very, very long time to recover and even now I don’t think I really have recovered when I think about it too much. He was going to tell you so many times and I told him he should, all the times that he has been going to tell you, something has happened, such as the time he got kidnapped.” 

Chloe’s head spun, remembering the phone call she had received from him ever so long ago.

_ “Hello, it's me. Lucifer. Um, I just wanted to apologize for being, well, for being so elusive. But I also wanted to say that I am done hiding. So I'm coming over now to tell you the truth about me. 'Cause I think it's time I finally opened your eyes as to why strange things sometimes happen around me. Why my brother's so saintly and Maze is so not. And I'm so well, magnetic. No, but s–seriously, I– I want to tell you everything. No more going backwards.” _

“Yeah, well I know now.”

“I’m glad he’s told you, even if it was accidental, I mean there is so much more stuff he needs to tell you so at least there’s one thing off the list.”

“The list?”

“Ah nevermind that’s just something Lucifer will have to do all on his own before he chickens out again that is,” Linda muttered. “Anyways, how are you handling this whole situation, I’m sure it must be really hard for you.”

“It is, I guess, it’s all so surreal and the more I think about it the more I want to just lie on the floor and cry. But– But he saved my life,” Chloe whispered and Linda simply nodded in understanding.

“I know.”

“You do?”

“He came to see me actually, about a week ago, and he explained the whole  _ Pierce _ ordeal.” Linda spat the name out as if she wanted to rid it from her mouth as quick as she could. Rightfully so.

“Right so you  _ know _ . I just– I’m still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing– why would he do that– save me?”

Linda practically rolled her eyes at that. “You’re both as naïve as the other. Besides it’s not like it’s the first time he’s saved your life.”

“Not the first time?…” Chloe repeated, questioningly, her voice trailing off as she tried to understand what Linda was telling her, blatantly ignoring the negative comment.

Linda opened her mouth to respond but stopped herself. “Ah, he hasn’t told you yet.”

“Linda! You have to tell me now, what do you mean?” Chloe urged.

Linda hesitated before continuing. “I don’t know if I should, however, fine.” Linda closed her eyes for a moment. “Well, there was Malcolm…”

_ “I thought he killed you.” _

_ “Oh, he did. Yes. I got better.” _

“… and the professor.”

_ “Well, look who's back. You didn't die after all. That makes one of us.” _

“Let me tell you, that one was messy, he killed himself and got stuck in his Hell loop and his mother had to go down and save him…” Linda ranted before stopping herself. “I think you should talk to him, Chloe. He should be the one to tell you everything, not me.”

Chloe nodded. “Okay.”

__________________________

  
  


Lucifer lay on his couch, still wearing nothing but his silk robe which Chloe wondered if it was the only thing he had to wear other than suits. He was engrossed in some movie playing on the tv when she walked in.

“I saw Linda today.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“She told me a few things actually, firstly, I didn’t know she knew!”

“I probably should have mentioned that,” Lucifer acknowledged. “On the plus side, you aren’t alone in all this...” He gestured towards himself. “–Devil stuff.”

“Yes, well she told me a few things, namely that you died… for me…”

“Ah.”

“Lucifer,” Chloe said seriously.

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me.”

“Well, I’m quite certain that in fact, I did.”

“That was when I didn’t  _ know _ .”

“Ah yes, my bad, apologies, Detective.”

“It’s just– you’ve done so much for me and I feel so guilty for not giving you anything in return.”

“Nonsense, Detective. You owe me nothing. Right now I’m just happy that you don’t hate me.” Lucifer smiled softly. “You can ask me anything, you know,” Lucifer stated. “I don’t mean to keep things hidden but sometimes events will just slip my mind, so if you have any questions–”

“I’ll ask.” Chloe finished

“Okay.”

“Why did you die for me Lucifer?” Chloe whispered. “Linda told me you got stuck in Hell. You risked that for me. Why?”

Lucifer shrugged, his eyes veering away from her. “It’s… complicated.”

Chloe didn’t want to push him, she honestly didn’t know if she even wanted to hear the answer so she left it at that. Another time. She’ll get the answers eventually, slowly. “So, movie?” Chloe asked, gesturing to the paused television.

“Yep.”

Once Chloe had finally settled, the two of them lay on the red leather couch with popcorn by their sides, Lucifer engrossed in the film, whilst Chloe sat with her never-ending thoughts. 

Chloe turned to face Lucifer suddenly, a question popping into her mind. “Why do you have a bible?” She asked out of the blue. The question took Lucifer off guard and his speech became a fumble of uhs and ers. His smile quickly faded and an unreadable expression took its place as the walls inside of him plastered themselves back up. His eyes became glossy and his gaze drifted to the floor where it stayed. And then he simply walked away. Leaving her utterly confused.

He knows he told her she could ask her anything, but he hadn’t really expected  _ that _ question. He wasn’t quite ready to answer it because the truth was that the bible was the only thing that connected him to his family. The last thing he had left of them. It didn’t matter how badly they had treated him, they were family and he missed them more than he would ever care to admit. But it was more than just that. His dream. The memory of having to watch Chloe face his punishment was embedded in his brain. And no matter how hard he tried to tell himself it was only a dream he just couldn’t get it out of his head. And so he was angry at his family for hurting him, because watching her fall, made him realise how bad and painful his punishment was. Nobody deserved that.

And so right now he couldn’t answer her question. 

“Lucifer?” Chloe called out after a while of sitting in confusion. No one answered her. She found herself wandering the penthouse in search of the disappearing man. She was concerned about him, she didn’t mean to dredge up any painful memories for him.

After searching the apartment inch by inch with no sign of Lucifer she concluded that he had left. She found herself staring into the blank wall of Lucifer’s bathroom just thinking about his reaction and worrying more and more about him. She was snapped out of her longing gaze by the sound of the elevator door dinging. She must have been staring into nowhere for a long time because it was Lucifer, back from where ever he had ventured.

“Hi,” She smiled at him.

Lucifer stared at her, almost confused, but said nothing. He seemed surprised she was still here. After staring strangely for a while he turned and walked away again. Not a word said. This time, however, he didn’t leave, he seated himself on his couch and began watching television by himself, not even acknowledging Chloe’s existence. Chloe took this as the perfect time to leave and go see Doctor Linda once again.

__________________________

“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Chloe said, almost frustrated with herself. “If he didn’t want to answer the question he didn’t have to, but he just left without saying a word, and then when he came back he didn’t even acknowledge my existence.”

“Well, Lucifer is very different to you or I, he doesn’t perceive things the same way that we do and so he acts out in very odd ways. I’m sure he’s okay, or at least I’m sure he’ll seek help if he needs it.”

“I know, I’m just… frustrated I guess because I don’t know if he’s okay. I feel guilty because he’s helped me so many time and I just go ahead and hurt him.”

“Is that actually why you’re frustrated Chloe? That you are worried you hurt his feelings? That you feel guilty?”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t think that’s entirely true. I think you care more about the fact that he left, the fact that he ignored you. I think you were happy because you and Lucifer were bonding and then he left. I think you went to Lucifer’s apartment the other day for more than just telling him you’re okay with what he is, I also think that on some level you got what you wanted. And now you’re feeling bad because you’re worried that he’s going to disappear again.”

“He always do–” Chloe was cut off by Linda’s door being thrown open.

“Doctor! We need to talk, I had a very peculiar dream the other night that needs discussing, it involves the Detective.” Lucifer said loudly as he barged into the office. Linda moved her eyes towards the sofa. “Oh right of course, out, out, Linda has more imminent problems to deal with than your–” Lucifer’s eyes widened as he turned to see the Detective sitting on the couch before him. 

“Care to enlighten _ us _ about your dream?” Linda questioned.

Lucifer just continued to stare directly at Chloe, his face shifting to a dark shade of pink. And then he simply walked away, right out of the office.

“See what I mean?” Chloe sighed. “He’s avoiding me.”

“Yes, I do see. However, I must say that we should probably pick this session up another time, unfortunately. Lucifer came here for… a reason so there’s no way he just left, he’s probably outside, and well, being the Devil and all, he has pretty good hearing.”

“Okay.” Chloe agreed, standing up. She hesitated at the door for a moment, knowing Lucifer would be outside. She wanted to talk to him,  _ desperately _ . But she knew he would ignore her, so she took a deep breath and prepared herself before walking out of the office.

Lucifer sat on the floor, hugging his knees which where brought close to his chest. She could hear his loud breaths from where she was standing.   
  


“Are you… Okay?” She mumbled, her voice catching in her throat as she spoke. 

“No,” He replied honestly, standing up and walking away into Linda’s office, never once making eye contact with her. And she watches him go, concern, sadness, and heartbreak all at once overcoming her. 

“Lucifer.” Chloe heard Linda say sternly as the door was closed shut. She was tempted to stay, to listen to what he had to say but she knew it was wrong. He would come back when he was ready.

“Doctor,” Lucifer replied to Linda in the same tone.

“So a dream?”

“Yes.”

“Care to elaborate?”

Lucifer hesitated before continuing. “I had a dream, nay, a nightmare. The Detective– Chloe, she was falling.”

“Like the one you’ve had before?”

“No, no this was different, worse. She…” He took a breath. “She was  _ falling. _ Like I did. And I was forced to watch her and I couldn’t do anything. And I was so angry at my family, I am still so angry.” His voice growing darker as he spoke. “And then– and then she asked about them and– and I can’t answer.”

“She asked about the bible,” Linda suggested.

“Yes but–”

“But you have it to connect yourself to them. Because it’s all you have left to remind of your old home.”

Lucifer nodded slowly. “But I’m angry at them. And I didn’t want to tell Chloe why.”

“What do you think your dream means, Lucifer?”

“Bloody Hell, that’s what I’m paying you for, is it not?”

“I’m here to lead you to understand how you’re feeling, not tell you.” If Linda had a penny for every time she had to tell Lucifer that, she wouldn’t need to be a therapist any more.

“I don’t know, Doctor, otherwise I wouldn’t be here!” Lucifer yelled.

“Okay well let’s start with something else. Why are you angry?”

“Well isn’t it obvious? I’m angry because they–” His voice faltered. “They hurt Chloe.”

“And why does that matter so much to you? It was after all only a dream.”

“You know why it matters!”

“I need you to tell me.”

“Bloody Hell.” Lucifer sighed. “They hurt her and I– I…  _ care _ about her.”

“Is that all you feel? You  _ care _ about her?”

“Of course not, I told you. I’m bloody angry.” 

Linda wanted to roll her eyes at that. “It was only a dream Lucifer.”

“You don’t understand. They have hurt her so many times. All these people. Uriel, Cain, my  _ Mother  _ and  _ Father _ . They hurt her and manipulated her. And–”

“And you’re angry at yourself because you don’t know why you still keep a bible, why you still care about the people who have hurt the ones you care about most.”

Lucifer nodded slowly. “ _ Yes _ .”

“Lucifer, you need to tell her, you can’t go on avoiding her, she thinks it’s her fault and she’s quite upset.”

“I  _ can’t _ tell her, Doctor.”

“Why not?”

“Because she doesn’t know everything. She doesn’t know about  _ my _ story. She doesn’t know about my fall, she doesn’t know about all the things my mother did. She doesn’t know about  _ Uriel. _ I just can’t tell her yet. I don’t want her pity and I just  _ can’t _ .”

“But ignoring her isn’t solving any of your problems, Lucifer. All you’re doing is driving a wedge between you two. Is that really what you want?”

Lucifer shook his head. “No.”

“You have to tell her. Everything. She knows now, it’s better that she knows  _ everything _ ,” Linda urged.

“But–”

“It’s not the pity you’re afraid of is it?” Linda interjected.

“I don’t know how she can so easily accept who I am. I– I just think that maybe if I tell her too much she’ll freak out. I– The problem is– I can’t lose her.”

“What makes you think you will? Why wouldn’t she just accept you? She cares about you so much.”

“Before the  _ incident, _ Chloe and I… kissed.” He whispered.

“Lucifer that’s amazing.”

“The thing is, she hasn’t said anything about it since.”

“She went to your home Lucifer to tell you that she was okay with you. She helped you and stayed with you in your bed. Maybe she’s waiting for you to say something.”

“She came because she felt like she owed me for saving her life.”

“Did she know that before she went to Lux?”

“No, but–”

“Lucifer, you keep making excuses. Why can’t you, even for a second, believe that Chloe might feel the same way you do?”

“Because– Because nobody could  _ care _ about the Devil. I– I’m a monster and I’m afraid that if I talk about that too much it’ll sink and– and she’ll run away in fear.”

“But Lucifer, at the way things are going at the moment, you’ll lose her anyways. And this time it wouldn’t be her choice. You’re afraid she’ll run away, but at the moment you are the one forcing her to leave.”

Lucifer stuttered. “I– I– Er– Even my best friend left me.”

“Lucifer you need to talk to Maze, and you need to tell Chloe.”

“I’ll think about it.” He wanted to, he really wanted to tell her. But he just couldn’t. He was just so terrified of her rejection that he didn’t realise he was slowly pushing her away. Taking her choice away. Doing the very thing he had despised his father for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated :)


	5. The Devil Made Me Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lucifer,” Linda’s voice cracked through his thoughts just before he had headed out the door. “There’s one more thing that I’d like to discuss.”
> 
> There was a moment when the air seemed to sit still. The dust stopped falling. Just for a moment. There wasn’t anything more to talk about. Please don’t let there be more. Lucifer sighed, huffing before returning to his seat. “Very well,” He complained lightly. “What is it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really late update, school started so I've had a lot to do. Anyways hope you enjoy :)

The office began to seem smaller. And smaller. Lucifer hastily stood up to leave. He was done for the day. But it wasn’t the room closing in on him. His thoughts and decisions swirled around inside his head.  _ It’s all true. _ They all screamed. Louder and louder. Sometimes he wished that he didn’t have to deal with anything, instead just curl up into a ball and let the world take care of itself. He’s  _ evil _ . The world doesn’t need him.  _ It’s all true. _

“Lucifer,” Linda’s voice cracked through his thoughts just before he had headed out the door. “There’s one more thing that I’d like to discuss.”

There was a moment when the air seemed to sit still. The dust stopped falling. Just for a moment. There wasn’t anything  _ more _ to talk about.  _ Please don’t let there be more. _ Lucifer sighed, huffing before returning to his seat. “Very well,” He complained lightly. “What is it?”

Linda stared at him for a moment before continuing. “I wonder whether there may be another reason as to why you are isolating yourself from Chloe.”

“I don’t follow.” Lucifer tilted his head in confusion. “We’ve already discussed this.”

“I wonder whether you expected Chloe to reject you.” She paused, “Maybe even wanted her to. And so you’re isolating yourself from her because that’s what you thought she would have wanted. Maybe it’s how you wanted her to react.”

“Why on earth would I want her to reject me?” Lucifer replied, puzzled, a voice inside him screamed to be heard but he pushed it deep into the depths of his mind. _You’re evil_ , the voice echoed from the oblivion.

“Because your Devil face has returned and you've refused to talk about it.”

Lucifer sighed. Fuck. He really didn’t want to talk about that particular subject. It was something that had been eating him up inside for the past week. He knew what that said about him. He knew what it meant, and he didn’t want to have to talk about it. Time seemed to slow once more. The room started closing in again. 

He closed his eyes.

__________________________

“Oh, deep down, you know you’re a monster. And you belong in Hell, where you will torture yourself with that truth for eternity. 'Cause no matter what you tell yourself, you can't outrun what you've done. What you truly are.” Lucifer had sneered at Cain, ensuring he ended up in the nightmarish pit where he belonged. 

He smiled. He smiled and sneered as his devil face crept its way onto his face, positioning itself where it rightfully belonged. His eyes glistened with a red glow and flames sparked around his head. He reached out to push the blade deeper, he wanted to watch Cain suffer. He wanted him to get what he deserved.

It was all in the name of justice.

Right?

“And neither can you.” Cain taunted before his life faded away.

And Lucifer just watched, his face burning with flames of a place that he just couldn’t leave behind.

Because it was part of him.

The devil.

The evil.

__________________________

_ It’s fine. _

“There's not much to say, really. I killed a human for the first time, my Devil face returned.” Lucifer spoke calmly, trying not to seem fazed by the question, but it was hard, he wasn’t lying but he also wasn’t exactly telling the truth. He had  _ killed _ a human, saying that almost made him break right there and then.  _ Evil, evil, evil _ , the voice chanted pushing its way back into his conscious mind.

“I don't think it's as simple as that. Killing a human is against your father's rules, not your own. And you've recently learned that angels self-actualize.”

“So you think that I'm punishing myself for killing a human?” Lucifer puzzled.  _ Am I? _

“I'm wondering if you're punishing yourself for enjoying it.”

Lucifer almost choked. His chest began to ache and he realised he was doing exactly that. “So what if I did?” He said between clenched teeth.  _ You’re evil. You’re evil, _ the demon inside him whispered in his ear. 

_ You know it. _

“Then perhaps that's why you see yourself as evil again. And perhaps that's why you want Chloe to reject you.”

“I don't want her to reject me.” He yelled unsure of who exactly he was trying to convince.  _ I don’t want her to reject me. I don’t. I don’t? Do I? You’re evil, she’ll come to see that. You don’t deserve her.  _ His thoughts continued to taunt him and wondered if maybe they were right, because how could anyone care about him and be okay with what he is, in only a week, especially someone like  _ her _ .

_ “I realized it would never work out between us.” _

_ “Really?”  _

_ “Yes. So, from now on, no more attempts at moments. I'd be honoured to, uh, simply continue working by your side if you'll have me.” _

_ “Of course.” _

_ “Good.” _

_ “Yeah. It's not like you to give up, but–” _

_ “Oh, no, I haven't given up. I had an epiphany, of sorts. You deserve someone worthy of you and that isn't me.” _

_ “That's not what I've been saying, Lucifer.” _

_ “I know. It's what I'm saying. You deserve someone better because you, Detective, are selfless to a nauseating degree. You always put your daughter first, even though the ungrateful urchin does nothing to contribute to the rent. So you deserve someone worthy of that grace. Someone who knows that every crime scene breaks your heart, even though you'd never admit it. Someone who actually appreciates your impossibly boring middle name. Jane. More importantly, Detective, you deserve someone as good as you because well, you're special and I'm– I'm not worth it.” _

_ I’m not. _

“She told you she’s okay with what you are Lucifer. What if what she told you is actually simply the truth?”

“And what if it isn't?” Lucifer queried.  _ Because how could it be. _

_ I’m not worth it. _

“She'll find a way to let you know.”

Lucifer nodded. “Okay.”

_ Then I suppose she will. _

_ She must. _

_ Because I don’t deserve  _ her.

__________________________

_ “Luci, thanks.”  _

_ “What?”  _

_ “Thanks for your help. I mean, I will admit that I was a bit skeptical of your plan, but this might actually work.” _

_ “Yes, of course, it'll work, Brother. That's why you asked me, remember? Someone crafty, smart–” _

_ “And evil.” Amenadiel had added, laughing. _

_ The word stung in his chest. “Evil?” He questioned, hurt. _

_ “Well, if you want to find a deplorable criminal, you just ask a well, you know what I mean, Luci. Come on. You are the Devil, after all.” _

Because the Devil is evil right? The Devil is the cause of all humanity's sins and problems, he is the cause of all wrongdoings. Because, well, the Devil made you do it, of course. That’s what everybody says.

An excuse. 

Another person to blame. 

The Devil did it, not you, because the Devil is evil. Isn’t he?

_ He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. _ 1 John 3:8

The Devil  _ is _ evil.

Evil.

Evil.

Evil.

And just as much as the people of earth blame the Devil for their issues, he very much blames himself too. 

Because he  _ is  _ evil _. _

He is.

And he knows it.

_ Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.  _ 1 Peter 5:8

__________________________

Chloe was sitting on her couch, her computer lay open on her lap and her case files sprawled across the floor in mismatched disorganised piles. She was still investigating the case of Joseph Hamilton, she was finding it a lot harder to solve the case without Lucifer helping. It wasn’t necessarily that she couldn’t solve it herself, although she must admit Lucifer’s desire trick certainly helped a lot, it was more that he wasn’t  _ there _ . She found herself constantly distracted by thoughts of him, longing for his help. She had finally talked to him after a week only to have him leave her again.

Sometimes she found herself feeling relieved that she didn’t have to deal with the fact that she has literally  _ kissed _ the Devil before. Every time she thinks about that she can’t help but turn bright red and remember the dreams she has had... but also she finds her mind screaming  _ what the fuck? _ It’s a very odd mix of emotions.

A loud slamming of the front door snapped Chloe abruptly out of her thoughts. Chloe practically jumped at the sight of her flatmate entering through the doorway. “Maze!” She practically shuddered, she hadn’t meant to but she couldn’t help it. She was friends with a literal  _ demon _ , she had forgotten about that, too focused on the fact that there is a literal eternal afterlife and that her partner’s asshole dad was the big G-O-D.

“‘Sup Decker,” Maze greeted.

“Have you spoken to Lucifer recently?” Chloe blurted out, skipping past any small talk that wouldn’t have happened anyways.

“Pfft, why would I?” Maze basically sneered.

Chloe averted her gaze and found herself staring at the floor as she replied. “I don’t know. I um,” She took a breath. “I  _ know _ .” It was the only way she could phrase it. The only way she could say it without possibly having an existential crisis.

“Ah.” Maze’s posture sank. “That dickhead… Right, so you want me out of the house or something I’m guessing?”

“No, no, of course not, you’re my…  _ friend _ .” That was much easier to say than she had expected, but then again why would it be hard? Maze was a demon, but so what? She was the best babysitter Trixie had ever had. She  _ was _ a friend.

Maze smiled softly at that, a sincere smile. “Thanks, Decker.” The smile she had quickly faded as she realised what she had been doing, and she returned once again to the unemotional demon she normally appeared.

“Could you talk to Lucifer for me? It’s just he seems to be avoiding me and I already told him I’m fine with what he is and I don’t know what to do.”

Maze sighed. “If you  _ know _ then you know why I’m angry at him. He wouldn’t take me  _ home _ .” Maze paused, as much as she hated Lucifer for that she still cared for him and for Decker, somehow. She rolled her eyes. “I’ll see okay. I’ll try to make him see straight.”

“Thank you.” Chloe smiled.

Maze made her way to the kitchen to down another of her favourite coconut water drinks before grabbing her knives and hastily exiting through the front door to see Lucifer.

Chloe sighed, “Is that really necessary?” She yelled out, but Maze was already too far gone to hear, not that it would have made a difference if she had heard.

__________________________

From an outside view, it would seem as though Lucifer was very interested in the whiskey glass that lay in his hands. But the outside view would have been completely wrong. Lucifer didn’t even realise there was a whiskey glass in his hand even though he was staring straight at it. Staring but not looking. He was looking into nothing. Thinking about everything.

And everything to him.

Was  _ her. _

And he was thinking about the truth. 

He avoided her because he was worried. Worried that if she spent to much time with him, she would eventually come to realise – really realise, that he was the Devil. 

That he was evil, incarnate.

And he just couldn’t stand by and watch it happen.

There were other reasons of course. The question she asked took him off guard it’s answer one he truly did not want to acknowledge.

But in the end, it appeared that there wasn’t just a truth; there were truths.

Was he afraid of her rejection?

Yes.

_ “She told you she’s okay with what you are Lucifer. What if what she told you is actually simply the truth?” _

But he also believed that he deserved the rejection he so feared.

Because frankly, he didn’t deserve  _ her _ .

And so he continued to stare longingly at the whiskey glass, hoping that a solution would suddenly arise, as if staring at the whiskey glass would make all of his problems, his pain, his fear, his self-hatred, vanish. His mind was so far gone from this world, so out of it, that even the ding of the opening elevator failed to shake him from his curse. 

However, the blade brushing past his face and embedding itself into his walls certainly did the job.

“What the fu–” Lucifer’s words faded away as he turned to see a demon stepping out of the elevator with a don’t-mess-with-me sort of face, although that face was generally the standard for this particular demon. “Maze?” Lucifer asked, astonished, both feeling threatened and relieved. His demon, his friend, was back– but she was also looking like she would kill him, which she most certainly could do without much hassle.

“Look I didn’t come here to make up, I came here to tell you to sort your damn problems out with Decker. You’re being an ass and it’s hurting her. And by the way, I’m coming to you because  _ she _ asked me to.”

“I– I’m sorry.” Lucifer barely whispered.

“Tell that to her not me, I’m not a messenger.”

“No.” Lucifer breathed. “I’m  _ sorry _ to  _ you _ .” He managed to say. (Man, he really sucked at apologies.) “I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry that I didn’t do what you wanted. It was... selfish of me.”

“Lame.” (She really sucked at apologies too.) Maze rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’m sorry too, or whatever, I have friends here, I know.”

Lucifer smiled softly, relaxing, he had missed her.

“I’m also sorry for going behind your back to help Pierce send you back to hell.” Maze added.

Just as quickly as he had relaxed, Lucifer tensed back up. His eyes engulfed with red flames, his muscular figure looking especially menacing. 

“You did what?” He seethed between closed teeth. He didn’t yell; this was scarier. “Chloe almost died because of that man. Chloe saw my real face because of him.” He fumed. “Because of  _ you. _ ” He paused. “How could you do that to me. To her!? I thought you cared about her.”

“Oh shut up, it’s your fault, not mine. You should have taken me when I asked, that’s what people who care about people do. And if you care about her as much as it seems you do, then you have to stop being a pussy and fucking tell her how you feel because she’s upset, and that’s on YOU.”

“Get out,” Lucifer screamed, but as she walked away, the fire in his eyes dissolved and water took its place.

_ It’s my fault. _

_ It’s always my fault. _

_ The devil made me do it. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated x


	6. Temporary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe’s life was temporary. And he put that life in jeopardy, more than once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHh, I have been very busy with lockdown and now back to school so I really have not had time to work on this fic! I'm so sorry, I hope this chapter will suffice.

It was on one of his first visits to earth since the fall that he finally understood what had become of him. He landed on a beach somewhere in America and he spent his day watching, observing, his Father’s creations. 

The ones that he had fallen trying to protect.

And he watched in the car park, a man with a handbag running. And an officer followed until he had caught up. The man screamed. “I’m sorry!” He cried, “The devil made me do! I swear!” 

And from the edge of the car park, Lucifer tilted his head. “I didn’t make you do anything.” He whispered, his brows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

A man chuckled from behind him. “You okay there, son?”

Lucifer almost fainted at the word ‘son’. He hadn’t heard that for millennia. “Why did that person blame the Devil for his actions?”

“Because the Devil is the source of all evil.” The man replied. “Why don’t I take you to church? We can have a talk with the big guy, don’t worry he accepts everyone.” The preacher added noticing the shifty look Lucifer had given him. “Tell me your name son.”   
  


“I’m Lucifer. I’m the source of all evil, apparently.” And Lucifer flashed his eyes uncontrollably. The pain of rejection bringing up too many memories.

“He’s the devil!” The man screamed. Fear frozen in his eyes as he backed away. “He’s evil!” And he ran.

_ When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.  _

John 8:44

And with a flash of dark red wings, Lucifer vanished.

The Devil.

The Fallen One.

Blamed for every bad deed.

By the very humans he whose souls he tried to protect.

But not just by them.

By himself just as much.

__________________________

Maze stopped before the elevator doors, anger seething through her. She turned back to Lucifer who was now back staring at the now empty glass in his hands.

“You know what?” Maze muttered back at him. “Chloe’s not even around for long anyway, she’s only temporary and she’s all you ever fucking care about.” She hadn’t meant to say that. Well, she had but she didn’t really mean it. After all, Maze cared about Chloe, enough to go speak to the devil she was rather trying to avoid. It was just, Maze had been there from the beginning, yet she was always the second choice. 

_ “...So, at least we have each other.” _

_ “I’m always going to be the consolation prize for you. You only care about me when you don’t have Chloe.” _

_ “Maze, now hold on. That’s –” _

_ “No! No one puts me first. Least of all you.” _

Maze turned to leave, not even wanting to fight Lucifer right now. She was just angry. Hurt. “It’s all your fault.” She whispered before entering the elevator and leaving Lucifer just a little bit more broken.

Lucifer closed his eyes. Maze was right. If he had just done what she had asked from the beginning then everything would have been alright. If he had taken her back when he had the chance Cain wouldn’t have been able to mess with him as much, Chloe wouldn’t have been put in danger. It  _ was _ his fault.

It always was.

Chloe’s life  _ was  _ temporary. And he put that life in jeopardy, more than once.

And right now he was hurting her, just like he always does to everybody he ever cares about. She isn’t here forever and he is just so stupid that he is avoiding her. For what? Just in case she tells him she never wants to see him again. How is that any different than what he was doing now?

Lucifer stood up to leave, pausing just before the elevator just as Maze had.  _ It’s not that. _ He told himself.  _ I just don’t want to hear her say the words and leave me broken.  _ But he knows what he must do. He walks out of Lux not even bothering to wipe the tears off his face and drives to Chloe’s house before he has the chance to chicken out.

__________________________

Lucifer probably shouldn’t have been driving. His eyes were bloodshot and his face stained with tears. He wasn’t in the best state of mind but he knew it was only his fault he was feeling this way. He should have been better. He shouldn’t have kept pushing her away, over and over. He should have learnt his lesson after the first time.

But here he sat in his flashy car, back in the same position as the many times before. Going to tell the one person he has ever truly cared about how he really feels. But when has that ever worked out before?

So many times he could have told the Detective the truth. So many times he could have held her and kept her, but instead, he always ran away. There were so many excuses he could say. “It’s Dad’s fault” or “I’m trying to protect her” but he knows that is also just a lie. The truth is he’s also selfish. He doesn’t want to get himself hurt either. 

Nobody could ever love the Devil.

__________________________

Chloe and Trixie sat cuddled on the couch watching Frozen for about the 23rd time. Trixie was as bubbly as ever, pointing out all the little easter eggs of the show and commenting on all her favourite parts. But as much as Chloe wanted to listen and be happy with her daughter she just couldn’t focus. She was thinking about Lucifer and Maze. She hopped Maze hadn’t done anything too rash and that Lucifer was okay. She just wanted to see him, to talk to him. To tell him she’s sorry for whatever she did to push him away.

Lucifer arrived not minutes later. A loud and vigorous knocking on the door had startled both Trixie and Chloe. Trixie had leapt off of the couch in such a hurry that Chloe was quite sure she had teleported to the front door. 

“Lucifer!!” Trixie screamed, jumping onto the dishevelled man before her. For once Lucifer did not try to pull her off, he mumbled something about sticky urchins but made no attempt to remove her. After all, not that he’d ever admit it but, Lucifer loved the little girl and he’d missed her ever so much.

“Hey Monkey why don’t you go to your room for a little bit okay? Lucifer and I need to have a little chat okay?” 

“Can me and Lucifer hang out later then?” Trixie begged her mum, using the cute innocent puppy dog eyes on her.

Chloe looked up at Lucifer who nodded slightly. “Okay, Trix.”

“Yayyy,” Trixie smiled running off to her room.

“So, Lucifer…” Chloe started, “Let’s sit down.”

They sat in silence for a while. Lucifer sat next to Chloe staring off into nowhere. She didn't want to push him so she said nothing. And he continued to stare, far, far away. And his eyes seemed so hollow, so lost in thought, maybe memories too. And she watched him, carefully, lovingly, letting him take his own time, allowing him to now he had no pressure to say anything. She was just glad he was here.

"I'm falling," He began.

"What?"

"My nightmares. What I was talking about with Dr Linda when I interrupted your session." He affirmed. "I'm falling."

"Like..."

He nodded, never looking at her, continuing to be stuck in a sort of trance.

"My wings, they just left me, and I fell, and fell... And it was painful. To come to a realisation that your family doesn't want you. Doesn't love you. And I keep falling. And I kept thinking, why? And I kept thinking, maybe, maybe this is one of my siblings, doing what they always do, hurting me, laughing at me... maybe this is just a joke and I'll hit the clouds any minute now..." Lucifer said, his voice quiet and distant. 

Chloe could almost feel his pain. "Hey, it's okay, we don't have to talk about this now."

"Nobody ever caught me." He whispered. "Nobody ever does."

"I'll catch you. I promise." Lucifer shut his eyes and bit his bottom lip, trying to steady himself. Thinking. Remembering.

Chloe leaned forward to place a hand on his cheek. To hold him, show him that she has his back, that she will be there for him.

Lucifer moved his face away from her hand. He wasn’t quite done yet. He looked at the ground glumly before turning his gaze to her. “See, that’s just it. You won’t be. Chloe, you’re human, you’re vulnerable, and so am I when I’m with you.” He shook his head sadly. “You-you’re going to die someday and I won’t be able to do anything about it. You’re going to die and leave me just like everybody else. I’ll stay here or go to Hell but you’ll be gone to someplace better, somewhere I can’t follow. Your life is temporary.”

The silence that followed seemed to scream. Both Chloe and Lucifer were being suffocated by the silence, their brains screaming for it to stop. “Lucifer… I–” Chloe started.

“Let’s just move on from that for now okay? I came here to tell you I’m sorry and I am, I shouldn’t keep pushing you away when I care about you so very much and for that I am sorry.” Lucifer interrupted.

“Okay,” Chloe whispered. She didn’t really want to stop talking about the issue, it hurt her to know that Lucifer was in pain and she couldn’t help.

“So…” Lucifer spoke, not wanting the room to fall into the silence once more. “How is your case going?”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of this fic and if you have any suggestions :)


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